THE STORY
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I can feel the differences between us. The differences and the ego, was so much bigger then the kitchen we were in. In the naked eyes you can see her in her sarong and her somewhat almost nice blouse and I was in my FBT shorts and my not so new t-shirt.
She is getting her caffeine from the usual decaf coffee as for me; I was getting mine from my usual semi flat coke light.
The differences weren't just about the way we dress, the way we talk or even the food we eat daily. There's more to it. She grew up listening to some rock 'n' roll music and surviving the e'peace era. Whereas, I grew up listening music from the Internet and watching movies from VCD are so yesterday. The differences. It is so much bigger and so much more significance than what we realize.
However, the similarities are just much more significance than the differences. To an extend that it overshadows the differences. Something like the hardheadedness that is harder than some rock. The DNA we share. The shopping genes she passes down to me. The similar bimbotic style kinda act that comes randomly. The similar style of sarcasm remarks we make to people.
I am well aware that I turn out to be somewhat an ordinary person. Not the nicest person around I do admit. But to have her raising me and become the person that I am today.. I just got say...... I thank you for everything and I blame you for nothing.
I am not really good with words. But I guess a lil help to help to express myself better will mean no harm... I hope this song from Kanye West will help you all understand what I am talking about.
I wanna tell the whole world about a friend of mine
This little light of mine and I'm finna let it shine
I'm finna take yall back to them better times
I'm finna talk about my mama if yall don't mind
Seven years old, caught you with tears in your eyes
Cuz a nigga cheatin, telling you lies,
then I started to cry
As we knelt on the kitchen floor
I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more
And when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more
And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford
See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable
Highly capable, lady that's makin loot
A livin legend too, just look at what heaven do
Send us an angel, and I thank you
Hey Mama
I wanna scream so loud for you, cuz
I'm so proud of you
I know I act a fool but,
I promise you I'm goin back to school
I appreciate what you allowed for me
I just want you to be proud of me
Forrest Gump mama said, life is like a box of chocolates
My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate
Somethin to fall back on, you could profit with
But still supported me when I did the opposite
Now I feel like it's things I gotta get
Things I gotta do,
just to prove to you that
You was getting through.....
It don't gotta be Mother's Day, or your birthday
For me to just call and say...
Hey Mama, I love you......
Hey Mama
You know I love you so, I never let you go
I wrote this song just so you know,
no matter where you go, my love is true.
Happy "21st" Birthday Mama
Listen to the song with the thought of your mama and all the sacrifices she have done for you even before you were born.
Hey Mama By Kanye West
She is getting her caffeine from the usual decaf coffee as for me; I was getting mine from my usual semi flat coke light.
The differences weren't just about the way we dress, the way we talk or even the food we eat daily. There's more to it. She grew up listening to some rock 'n' roll music and surviving the e'peace era. Whereas, I grew up listening music from the Internet and watching movies from VCD are so yesterday. The differences. It is so much bigger and so much more significance than what we realize.
However, the similarities are just much more significance than the differences. To an extend that it overshadows the differences. Something like the hardheadedness that is harder than some rock. The DNA we share. The shopping genes she passes down to me. The similar bimbotic style kinda act that comes randomly. The similar style of sarcasm remarks we make to people.
I am well aware that I turn out to be somewhat an ordinary person. Not the nicest person around I do admit. But to have her raising me and become the person that I am today.. I just got say...... I thank you for everything and I blame you for nothing.
I am not really good with words. But I guess a lil help to help to express myself better will mean no harm... I hope this song from Kanye West will help you all understand what I am talking about.
I wanna tell the whole world about a friend of mine
This little light of mine and I'm finna let it shine
I'm finna take yall back to them better times
I'm finna talk about my mama if yall don't mind
Seven years old, caught you with tears in your eyes
Cuz a nigga cheatin, telling you lies,
then I started to cry
As we knelt on the kitchen floor
I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more
And when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more
And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford
See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable
Highly capable, lady that's makin loot
A livin legend too, just look at what heaven do
Send us an angel, and I thank you
Hey Mama
I wanna scream so loud for you, cuz
I'm so proud of you
I know I act a fool but,
I promise you I'm goin back to school
I appreciate what you allowed for me
I just want you to be proud of me
Forrest Gump mama said, life is like a box of chocolates
My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate
Somethin to fall back on, you could profit with
But still supported me when I did the opposite
Now I feel like it's things I gotta get
Things I gotta do,
just to prove to you that
You was getting through.....
It don't gotta be Mother's Day, or your birthday
For me to just call and say...
Hey Mama, I love you......
Hey Mama
You know I love you so, I never let you go
I wrote this song just so you know,
no matter where you go, my love is true.
Happy "21st" Birthday Mama
Listen to the song with the thought of your mama and all the sacrifices she have done for you even before you were born.
Hey Mama By Kanye West
Sunday, October 15, 2006
So school is going to start in a week. The remaining of the holiday, I am just gonna make full use of it since I have been busy working.
Saturday: break fast with family members from both maternal and paternal side.
It was a great turn out. Though some of the invited ones didn't turn up but theres's 'replacement' to join in the fun.
I just can feel the love around me that night.
The missing.
The catching-up.
The bitching. (Of course I won't capture anything for this part )
Theres many more that I didn't have the chance to capture, but I guess you know how it feels like to be close to your very dear ones.
That night was so full of joy for me. I don't know why. May be cause I simply miss every single one of them. From my lepak granny to the cutie pie Aqi. Everything just give me the reason to smile. From the "educational talk" by Abang Long, to the eavesdrop of kakak nor's and cik leman "debate" and then to Aqi semi-baby talk.
Aqi
To end the day on happy note, I meet Library Guy. When I was with him, I was actually reflecting on how bad the week started for me. From the "infertile" incident to the incident where by this money face pussy ass nigga tried to "rob" us of our own money.
For the week to end like this...man! theres nothing more I wld ask for..catching up with my family then meeting my dear "friend-in-benefit" for some chat...okay no la... my good/close friend and it's not "benefit-ing". I guess it's "appreciating".Feeling the bliss.
(And!!! This time round I didn't sneak out of the house to meet him...)
When we were chatting, I kept on picturing us seating by River Thames with the view of the Tower Bridge. Appreciating autumn. I don't know why would I be picturing us in London in order to be comfortable. But I tot that would be the best place to have our midnight chat. The scenery. The 'sound' of the water. The smell. The weather. The type of building that surrounds us.
By the river.
And then I realize that I am actually missing London. River Thames to exacts. I don't know why. But right now I just want to be there, in London by River Thames. Doesn't really matter with who. Any one wanna join?
The view wld be something like what I've seen before....
(Me & Umar winter 2004)
Friday, October 13, 2006
My Friday the 13th is soooo not scary la! Mia and I bake Fadilah brownies. We kinda miss her birthday so we make it up to her by baking her brownie and treat her at any restaurant of her choice. She chooses Fish & Co.
Well before that, when we were at work, Mia and I was sooo looking forward to go back to my place and bake the brownies. Since it's the weekend, we were not like "Thank God its Friday" we were more of "God damn it! Finally its Friday! THANK GOD!!!!"
Then I think Mia got high. High AT WORK! For God knows what reason la. So she has this huge crush on this guy. Though he is only 23 but sial la he is married!! Hahaha imagine, he got married at the age of nineteen! Like what the fuck kan?! Well yea that is not the main point. I swear to god when mia gets high, she is in her own LALA LAND with God knows who. Guess what! Without realizing she flirt with that guy in her most seductive voice AND not realizing every one was actually staring at her. When I say everyone its freakin everyone including the French manager, Elise!!! She was like "BByeeeeeeee g...!!!" then in my heart "Mia say some one else's name!! Don't fucking embarrass yourself la!!!" then by the time she realize she tried to cover up can see her face turning red then.... "bye Vicky! Bye Annad Bye ratih bye......."
In my heart.... "okay enough la mia stop it la your cover-up sooooo didn't work!!!" and by the way ya! It so didn't work! I think even Elise was giggling at her! Nie bukan terlepas cakap...terlepas menggatal! Ape saje la kau mia! hahahahaha
Then Mia get to knows this guy at work is kinda checking me out.It is kinda obvious la! He is from the front desk department. Hell yea! I was please with myself... hahahaha not until mia say " ya aini if u guys wanna go on a date, don't forget to tell him 'please put on your uniform yea' " its kinda true though... please dear God!! Not another AH BENG in disguise!!!
So we break-fast at Fish & Co. Actually only Fad buke... Me and Mia buke at my place eating Maggie mee... oh well since God give us "MC" so might as well make full use of it. After that hahaha we head for Swensen to get dessert!!! YUMMY!!!
When we about to leave Marina Square then I bump into the Library Guy!!! Actually we were supposed to go out together but then cancel. But then we still bump into each other. Oh well what to say.... "Fated!" he's with his colleague and so am I. okay ya what a coincident.
After we sort of acknowledge each other. I swear to God I was on cloud nine. I just wanted to jump around for God knows what reason!!!! I just wanted to carry on talking and talkin but then I pretend to be calm and then I was like "Okay ya see you around" step macam tak terperanjat and like
okay-ya-we-bump-into-each-other-and-theres-no-big-deal-about it attitude.
Mia was like..."woahhhh aini boleh tahan la!!! and yea soo cina okay la not soo... a lil bit!" and I feel damn good about myself yet again hahahah then Fad bimboticly say "aini! Die bole cakap melayu????" and mia was like "Duhhhhhhh!" and I was just too happy/excited to notice that they were talkin to me. I was as per usual, smiling to myself when the thought of him comes to mind. The rugby girls get annoyed whenever I start the smiling thingy. (esp when i get SMS frm the Lib. Guy..they will be like "AINI!! stop smiling to the phone la..the phone won't smile back" esp DD and Kai)
When he walk off...I don't know why it was soooo random, I had the sudden urge to run to him and give him a bear hug and then spank him and then run away to hide somewhere hahahahhahahhahahahahah
Astagaf!!!! Oh dear Almighty Allah help me to control myself and refrain me from all this kinda though... You know I wanna make this month of Ramadan worth while and keeps it at its purest
(hehehehe)
oh well
Well before that, when we were at work, Mia and I was sooo looking forward to go back to my place and bake the brownies. Since it's the weekend, we were not like "Thank God its Friday" we were more of "God damn it! Finally its Friday! THANK GOD!!!!"
Then I think Mia got high. High AT WORK! For God knows what reason la. So she has this huge crush on this guy. Though he is only 23 but sial la he is married!! Hahaha imagine, he got married at the age of nineteen! Like what the fuck kan?! Well yea that is not the main point. I swear to god when mia gets high, she is in her own LALA LAND with God knows who. Guess what! Without realizing she flirt with that guy in her most seductive voice AND not realizing every one was actually staring at her. When I say everyone its freakin everyone including the French manager, Elise!!! She was like "BByeeeeeeee g...!!!" then in my heart "Mia say some one else's name!! Don't fucking embarrass yourself la!!!" then by the time she realize she tried to cover up can see her face turning red then.... "bye Vicky! Bye Annad Bye ratih bye......."
In my heart.... "okay enough la mia stop it la your cover-up sooooo didn't work!!!" and by the way ya! It so didn't work! I think even Elise was giggling at her! Nie bukan terlepas cakap...terlepas menggatal! Ape saje la kau mia! hahahahaha
Then Mia get to knows this guy at work is kinda checking me out.It is kinda obvious la! He is from the front desk department. Hell yea! I was please with myself... hahahaha not until mia say " ya aini if u guys wanna go on a date, don't forget to tell him 'please put on your uniform yea' " its kinda true though... please dear God!! Not another AH BENG in disguise!!!
So we break-fast at Fish & Co. Actually only Fad buke... Me and Mia buke at my place eating Maggie mee... oh well since God give us "MC" so might as well make full use of it. After that hahaha we head for Swensen to get dessert!!! YUMMY!!!
When we about to leave Marina Square then I bump into the Library Guy!!! Actually we were supposed to go out together but then cancel. But then we still bump into each other. Oh well what to say.... "Fated!" he's with his colleague and so am I. okay ya what a coincident.
After we sort of acknowledge each other. I swear to God I was on cloud nine. I just wanted to jump around for God knows what reason!!!! I just wanted to carry on talking and talkin but then I pretend to be calm and then I was like "Okay ya see you around" step macam tak terperanjat and like
okay-ya-we-bump-into-each-other-and-theres-no-big-deal-about it attitude.
Mia was like..."woahhhh aini boleh tahan la!!! and yea soo cina okay la not soo... a lil bit!" and I feel damn good about myself yet again hahahah then Fad bimboticly say "aini! Die bole cakap melayu????" and mia was like "Duhhhhhhh!" and I was just too happy/excited to notice that they were talkin to me. I was as per usual, smiling to myself when the thought of him comes to mind. The rugby girls get annoyed whenever I start the smiling thingy. (esp when i get SMS frm the Lib. Guy..they will be like "AINI!! stop smiling to the phone la..the phone won't smile back" esp DD and Kai)
When he walk off...I don't know why it was soooo random, I had the sudden urge to run to him and give him a bear hug and then spank him and then run away to hide somewhere hahahahhahahhahahahahah
Astagaf!!!! Oh dear Almighty Allah help me to control myself and refrain me from all this kinda though... You know I wanna make this month of Ramadan worth while and keeps it at its purest
(hehehehe)
oh well
HAPPY SWEET 17 BIRTHDAY BLOSSOM / FADILAH
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Work!
So yea I work at a place name Global Kitchen at Pan Pacific Hotel. The place is a coffee house by day and a semi-fine dining restaurant by night.
There's nothing much talk about actually. But I come to realize one thing for sure. Uniform can be the perfect material for a perfect a bluff! Trust me! Okay so I was sort of checking this guy out. Mia and I thought he could be one of the trainee chefs from Shatec. Mia kind of agreed that he look "Not bad/ok lah" in a manly way (which is very rare). So okay yea I kinda have to admit I never really check any one out at my workplace cause most of them are either married, desperate, old or gay.
In the hotel industry it's kinda obvious that you have to look /appear presentable at all times while you are on duty. Ok I continued checking him out. Well not until that unfaithful day when Mia meet him without his uniform.
Well sad to say.....he is just a plain typical Ah Beng that you would just go
"Oh My God what could he be possibly thinking to put those stuff on!"
After that you just wanna go....
"Kah Lo Leh! Kah Lo Leh! Kah Lo Leh!"
Ouh that's in tamil, in plain English it would be
"Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God!"
(ouh yea I learn that from work colleague Jega....cool kan! hahaha)
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
There's this banner that hits me to the core. It says:
Don't just be a Muslim,
Be a Good Muslim.
Yah! I felt really guilty.
Terasa babe!
Don't just be a Muslim,
Be a Good Muslim.
Yah! I felt really guilty.
Terasa babe!
Monday, October 02, 2006
I wonder what was I thinking meeting someone at 11.45pm. May be I just got desperate to break free from all the "obeying" and "keeping stuff to myself". I've been controlling and "purify" words that come out from my mouth. Bottling up all the emotion inside of me. I have to admit that I haven't been that blunt with stuff I said lately. I wonder why I've been paying extra careful attn with the nice words I said. Well, I've been using a lot of them lately. Though at times I don't really mean it(I am well aware that I am a nasty bitch). I don't know why I just want to please other people some much, just to give them that smile and enjoy some "self-satisfactory".
When I received the message from Library Guy to meet at 11.45pm. I didn't have any second thoughts. I didn't ask for Mama or Baba's permission. I was more like telling them that I am going out.
The moment the clock almost strike midnight I just rush to the door and gave Baba some super lame excuse why I need to go out. Knowing that he is on a wheel chair and mama is half asleep I kinda run out of the house (they obviously cant stop me).
We sat under the clear night sky surrounded by mountains of concrete. I shut my eyes. Felling his arm around me. Gosh! I didn't know being so close to a 'stranger' could be that therapeutic. Though it was for a short while but I can feel the calmness thru out.
When I received the message from Library Guy to meet at 11.45pm. I didn't have any second thoughts. I didn't ask for Mama or Baba's permission. I was more like telling them that I am going out.
The moment the clock almost strike midnight I just rush to the door and gave Baba some super lame excuse why I need to go out. Knowing that he is on a wheel chair and mama is half asleep I kinda run out of the house (they obviously cant stop me).
We sat under the clear night sky surrounded by mountains of concrete. I shut my eyes. Felling his arm around me. Gosh! I didn't know being so close to a 'stranger' could be that therapeutic. Though it was for a short while but I can feel the calmness thru out.