THE STORY
Friday, October 28, 2005
Ainnie J re-living Friday, October 28, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
I remember vividly the day i set at corner of the staircase..Feeling miserbale bocz i found out imran found my replacement rite after a wk we broke-up...n nicole was there..tellin me to calm down..n she said...aini i dont knw y imran is like that towards u..but all i can say that new girl in his life is nothing like u...n i dont knw in what aspect is she way different frm you...i just knw that info frm imran that she is diff frm u....
well now, since me n imran's new gf..iza is now talkin...as in like talkin to each other...i kinda get all those quest ansed...we might have some common interest but the way we deal with imran is so god damn obviously diff....now its crystal clear 2 me..one of thing i realise abt me n imran was how equal we were....but their relantionship...its kinda obvious to me how imran has the upper hand....n once she loses imran...she is not just lose him..but she gonna lose him and some whole lot of other stuff...well now,thinkin back i think the "girl power trait" tt was instill in me actully do both good n haem...the bad thing will be guys like imran will be put off by attitude coz everythin is like "balance" "equal" n theres NOT gonna be like "who's the man"..well lookin at it in a positive angle...hey GIRL power is uphold! Equality btw both sexes in my relantionship with imran..gosh! i made it sound so political
when i first had the convo with this iza girl....i dont knw to believe her or not..if she is NOT a liar den theres alot of stuff abt imran n my cousin nurul that i have learn...n if she IS...being untruthful to me....errmm let it be a burden to her on judgement day...coz i cldnt care less...but whatever it is..to me her motive will remain ambiguous for the time being..it really disturb me that she suddenly wanna be nice to me now.. suddenly wanna be my friend..y now..y now only u want to tell me all this...y not a year ago when i still can save my relantionship with him..well things always happen for a reason...i knw tt very well theres goin to be hikmah behind all this n i believe that for sure bcoz God is great he have everthin well planned for all of us
i heard imran hated the idea of us talkin to each other..well he shld actually coz his flaws really did surfaces....n its not only a few but theres tooooons...well no body is perfect....no question abt that...not only his mistakes..but my cousin also..nurul...all those things that happen when btw she n imran when i was in London when i heard they "bump" into each other..where they actually plan everything..woah!!! welll i learn the fact that they all good actors n actresses...ermm i ashame of what nurul did to me n how she manage to hide it frm me all this time coz i cant believe that i actually stood by her watchin out for her back and on the other hand she was eatin me alive..so much for sisterhood n family ties..BUT at the same time..i have no rights to say that i am ashame of my cousin coz i seriously DONT KNW if this iza is being honest or not..well let time tells it all..ermm honesty seems to non existance factor ard this pple i guess..so i cant tell who is honest n who is isnt....well anyway among them..there was this confusion which is..whether i am adopted or not..well..let me make this official..i am not even sure if i am adopted.. it doesnt matter coz my parents has brought me up as if i am their own
today, when i meet imran in sch..after my talk with iza...i no longer knw what to percieve him as...now "he is sham n he is scam" woah my impression of him really change over night...for abt 8 mths i battle it all out to get over him or even 4get him...but now it changes overnight...its like in blink of an eye..for now i have totally lost my respect for him n i see him as someone inferior n i dont even tresure the time we share coz i knw what he wanted frm me all along...n the word love wasnt even in the vocab of our relantionship..well mayb it does la..for the first year ONLY...everything after that was sham! n the huge mistake i did was to not stop loving him..even when i sense something isnt right...but now...ermm i think its impossible..i see him more of an animal who attacks his vunerable victims without feelin remorseful....but then again..i cant say that much coz its up to him to chose what he wanna be n do...hhmmm..besides like i said i dont knw if iza is telling me eveyrything truthfully or not...but i badly wanna believe all her bf bad qualities..opss i mean my ex bf also...well love is actually not blind..but we are just blinded by it
when i see iza..i badly want to believe almost everything she says..i conclude she is someone who is smart, a person with a heart but a lil bit naive n gullible..we just had an understandin n we found out how we were lied to..by imran nurul and all...well it doesnt matter to me now coz it already hurt me n i have recover frm it all..gosh she didnt even knw that imran n i just broke up abt a week when she started dating imran..woah so much for tust is base to evryhting when he actually is liar rite frm the start..honest...non-existance factor for their relationship i suppose...duhh..n now i cldnt careless.. i see her as how i see myself 2 yrs ago..carelessly, dangerously in love with imran (gosh i was sooo dumb !!) ..but thank God i was guarded with Iman...Praises to Allah swt...may she be too protected with strong Iman..so she wont do anything foolish..even if she does it already...too bad! well repent will be good for a start
at the end of it all i dont knw to believe if my cousin betrayed me or not..but i really dont want to coz i treat her like my own sis..i still hope she wont let me down again...but for imran erm...it doesnt matter..coz the fact doesnt change..that i have a lost a certain degree of respect for him..after the break up i still wanna continue to look up to him n respect him just as much as i use to..bcoz takin it frm a positive aspect..we broke up that doesnt me he is not a good person..but after knwing almost "everything" he did to me..all the lies the betrayal the skiming n cheating...i dont knw..i think he is more of a disappointment..but as time changes..i'll nvr knw...but may Allah swt blessin be with him...as for iza i just hope that she is careful while playin whit fire..coz i knw she wont let it go..just pray hopefully she wont get burn herself coz i knw the fact that she is semi-burned already
Ainnie J re-living Friday, October 21, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
He is a sham
He is scam
He doesn’t deserve HE
For he is now an IT
IT is sham
IT is scam
For whatever we (Me & It) share
was just an act of façade
N whatever IT was to me
was just a play
For IT may have not been to a play
But IT have been a good actor
An act of valiant
That ate me alive
For I am not at all sure
If she is gonna be next
To be eaten alive
For I no longer care
Coz they have gone
To where I call
A lil bit too far
As IT may have dragged me
to a world I nvr belong
Thank God I wasn’t trapped
To where IT call home
In my perception
For IT to be a he
I don’t knw when its gonna be
Coz I think
The respect is gone
For IT to be a back
As noble as IT used to
I don’t knw when it is gonna be
Only time i guess....
Will prove what IT is
Worthy of
For her,
Theres nothing I cld say
But remind her of Judgment day
Repent wld be the only word
That I will be able to share
and Fisabililah will hopefully be the way
The way
To bring her somewhere
With the Almighty's blessing
InsyakAllah
Ainnie J re-living Monday, October 17, 2005
She was suppose to be blood
She was suppose to be protection
It was she who betrayed
And it was he who played along
It was me who was hurt
Thinking she was innocence all along
I got played out
N she did the acting well out
He was silence
Thinking I was dumb all along
He thought I didn’t saw it coming
when I didn’t say anything at all
But God is great and
He showed me their flaw
The greatness in Him
has not only shown me who they are
But what they are actually made of
For I am not sure shall I give you my respect
Of should I give you my hatred
For she is still my blood
And theres not denial behind the fact
For the both of you who betrayed me
Thinking I wont knw anything abt it
London wasn’t my mistake
But it was a step
to take off your mask
and show those ugly deeds of yours
Thinking I will not knw anything
But I knw it all
May His forgiveness be with you
For I don’t knw what I am gonna do
Ainnie J re-living Monday, October 17, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere
I turn I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere
I turn I'm surrounded by a identity crisis everywhere
I turn Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Artist: Gavin DeGraw
Ainnie J re-living Friday, October 14, 2005
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Setapak demi setapak
Aku melangkah ke dlm bulan Ramadhan
Dgn harapan
Ramadhan kali ini akan lebih bermakna
Imran yg ku harap membimbingku ke arah Tuhan
Telah pergi
Pergi dari hidupku buat selamanya
Melukakan hati kecil ini
Hingga tidak dpt diubati
Mengingati kembali kenangan kita bersama
Melalui apa dikata Imran "zaman bahagia"
Diringi dgn
Pelukkan Mesra
Ciuman Kasih
Sentuhan Nafsu
Aku
Aku yg sanggup melalukannya
Atas nama cinta...
Memburukan kaca yg kusangka permataMengejar batu yg kusangka intan
Mempercayai racun yg kusangka janji semanis madu
Setelah pemergianmu Imran
Baru kini kesedaran bertapak
Baru kini keinsafan kujung tiba
Cintamu yg bakal ku tinggalkan selamanya
tidak pernah menjanjikan kebahagian abadi
Hanya keindahan yg melalaikan
Keseronokannya melekakan
Kebebasan yg menjadi bajaYg menembus benih-benih ego Yg mencabangkan benih-benih keji
Di lalang peribadi in.
Bersama Imran
Diri ini lebih rela dihanyut arus dosa
Walaupun ada tangan-tangan bersih
Cuba menyekatku dari terus melangkah
melangkah menuruni lembah maksiat
Aku angkuh Aku tepis tangan itu
Maksyakallah..........
Kini diselimuti dgn sejalur keinsafaan
Aku hanya mampu berdoa
Oh! Tuhan
Aku amat takut hendak berdepan dgn mu
Didlm keadaan sedeminkian
Suluhkan hati gelap ini
dgn sinaran petunjuk Mu
Agar aku punya waktu utk mengabdikan Mu
dan terlepas dari sumpahan Mu
Syukurlah Imran ku syg kau pergi
Agar dpt ku rasa diri ini jauh dari dosa
Ya Tuhan
Lengkapkan aku dgn senjata yg cukupUtk ku berjihad menentang syaitan
berjuang melawan iblis
Berperang dgn nafsu
Semoga diriku ini yg dikotori dgn dosa
dpt dibersihkan dgn taubat nasuha
Disertai dgn cahaya keimanan
Dicurahkan dgn bunga-bunga amalan
Ajar dpt aku menyediakan
Diri ini utk Ramadhan
Dgn harapan agar Ramadhan kali ini akan lebih bermakna.............
Insyakallah
Ainnie J re-living Sunday, October 02, 2005
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Well I think now its kinda obvious that Friday have to be my favourite day...I will always do "something"..
So i went to Swensens with Faezah..just to eat ice-cream when theres the ice-cream man at outside our sch practically everyday..but the ice-cream ermmm sinful man..power..mcm da 10 tahun tak mkn ice cream say..after we ate we walk n i think i bump into Imran's gf..i wanted to approach her but nah what the hell am i gonna say..hi hows my ex bf doing? or hi i am Aini ya bf ex?so nah i rather not open my mouth coz i knw its gonna be full of scarcasm and on the other hand me being me..its too much of pride..y wld i approach her when she is dating my heartbreaker...ceh.. haha no connections sia...wtf man..but nah just didnt feel like talkin
went home ya just chill la did my weekly facial..main objective..try to remove all the leopard spots on my face..den Haikel called..well he plan the whole thingy so we can play basketball with Aimran...haha..that Aimran one in a million kinda guy...coz the first thing that i like abt him is not his ass/butt (haha wicked sia) but the way he recite the Holy Al-Quran..Maksyakallah..hebat sungguh...his voice kinda diff la..so ya play basketball for the first time just now kinda cool la but nothing will beat rugby n touch..well over the week i manage to knw more stuff abt Haikel n Aimran..they obviously love the game so much that i see no possiblity in spreadin my love for rugby..haha
well while we were chattin/playin basketball theres 2 things abt Aimran that appeals to me..
its when he said these 2 sentence ah (at diff instances)
1) "Ouh nari mahgrib pukul 7 satu minit"
I was totally malu say..coz i just say i am goin home b4 mahgrib..den he gave me the time..i was like.woah this guy ought to be a good man..ceh pade hal waktu solat aje say..but the way he recite the Quran can be another point...ouh wow...
2) "Love is not a come and go kinda thingy"
He knws his shit..(no connection wtf) he said that when haikel asked him if he's attach..eh i find this kinda guy cool uh..then he asked me then how abt u n i said nahhhhhh..n he gave me that killer smile..den i say la i feel for u when u say that..then on the way home the sentence kept in repeating ah..i dont knw why sia..but i feel that every word of that sentence is true n have deep meanings...
new pple in my life hahahah..n they are kinda diff with the recent pple i knw currently haha wth
Ainnie J re-living Saturday, October 01, 2005